Today is faring no better than yesterday. I still feel raw, I’m still reliving things…still not sure I can or want to do this. Not again. I fought so hard to get where I was the first time. Now I have to do it again.
How am I supposed to do this again? I’m back to where I was the day after it happened. Too afraid to close my eyes cuz I see his face. His fucking sick demented look as he’s…
I can smell his sweat. I can hear all the nasty, cruel things he said to me and made me say to him. I can feel him torturing me again…
I don’t know how to make it stop, and I can’t remember how I made it stop the first time.
Fuck.
Fuck
FUCK!
This is so not fair. It wasn’t fair in July, and it’s not fair now.
But that doesn’t really matter, now does it? I could ask all the clichéd questions and give all the platitudes on the planet: “Why do bad things happen to good people?”, “Life’s not always fair”, “Why me?”…
But it won’t change a Goddamned thing.
Bottom line -- it did happen, and like it or not, I am the one who has to deal with the fallout and do the work to recover. It’s not fair and it sucks more than is imaginable, but it’s my life’s truth at the moment so I just need to accept it and move on..
And the only way to move right now is up. Lots of up. Lots.
Yeah.
I guess that’s REALLY why a Phoenix
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